Routines of Peace (3/4): Support that actually works
We’ve arrived at part three of Routines of Peace - a series on improving self relationship, and therefore - your life.
So - all that yabberin’ from part two has to lead somewhere right? It has to lead somewhere practical. That’s the rule from my perspective anyway, because if a theory can’t be implemented into your life in a real way - it’ll only ever be talk. It will only ever be awareness without action, which ultimately just creates more mental and emotional tension - “I know what I need to do, but I don’t know how!”.
Awareness needs action following hot on it’s heels in order to create change. Whether your current bandwidth has you feeling defeated, alone, and frustrated or full of creative insight, drive and passion - I’ve got you!
Let’s workshop some basic principles of self care to help you connect to You, and what you need right now. Less f*ck around, more find out.
Below are 4 foundations of effective support for your mental & emotional health.
a. Take a look and make some notes on how each aspect currently shows up in your life.
b. What activities fall under which category for you? Do some activities fall under more than one?
c. What would you like to add more of? Are any pillars missing from your life completely?
Resilience building: activities that may stretch or stress the system but ultimately improve flexibility - challenging hobbies, consistency (sticking to it!) & escalation (upping the ante!), not indulging emotions over inner guidance, pursuing a goal that scares you
Restoration: self-soothing, co-regulation (connecting with other people), relaxation without sedation, stillness, being (not doing), scaling back challenges to prioritize recovery
Fun & Play: joy, laughter, novelty, discovery
Emotional processing: not repressing/avoiding emotions; journaling, non-passive therapy, naming, expression (e.g art, speaking to yourself aloud, somatic release techniques), speaking with a calm & connected friend or loved one, tears
Then, take a look at this bandwidth scale & think about where you currently sit on it.
SEE: BANDWIDTH SCALE
Using the 4 foundations shown above:
a. Identify which pillar is most important for you right now, because of where you sit on the scale.
b. Identify 1 or 2 habits or activities that could add that pillar to your life
c. Name one small way you can start just one of those habits, this week.
Bandwidth Scale (1-10):
(1-2) Calm & connected. At ease with challenges. I can challenge myself with new things, and escalation of existing things. I can handle challenges that come up.
(3-8) I feel some stress, and I’m seeing some effects on my bandwidth. I can still bounce back most of the time, but I need the right support to keep protecting myself
(8+) Bandwidth for any new problem/challenge is maxed, I’m experiencing negative mental/emotional/physical health consequences. I focus on restoration, and scaling back challenges wherever possible. It's really hard to control my reactivity (shutdown, fight, flight) when challenges arise right now.
Just a few final thoughts before I leave you (for now ;)) to experiment with creating or improving your own support toolkit…
Be deliberate and as slow as needed when you start to build habits for yourself. It may need to go slower and start smaller than you think.
A lot of frustration (& maybe an urge to give up, or go back to using brute force) can come up when you get really honest about what the pace needs to look like. What works for you, at this time in your life, will be individual.
For example - to a collapsed system, going on a walk may be a resilience building activity; going on a walk daily (consistency), and longer/faster walks (escalation) even more so.You don’t need a degree in project management just to find the right support for yourself. Supporting yourself isn’t a thing we have to do because we are living, it is living. This isn’t about adding more shit to the ever-mounting pile. Supportive habits and activities tend to weave in naturally, as our self relationship improves and our life reflects that.
If your life (or being with yourself) isn’t something you’re currently enjoying, introducing supportive habits can help reverse engineer the process and bring clarity as you reconnect to yourself beneath the noise of chronic stress and self rejection.
That’s why support that actually works isn’t static. To avoid making things complicated (or ineffective), I am encouraging you to build a thoughtful approach because life flexes and moves (and rollercoasters, and lifts you up, and cuts you down!).
What you need this week might look different from what you need next month—and that’s life. The trick is checking in with yourself and adjusting, instead of trying to lock yourself into a ‘perfect routine’ - aka just another performance in our output focused society.
In the next and final part of Routines of Peace, I’ll talk about what we are often required to give up in order to connect back to ourselves.
See you there!
- Jasmine
